These are a few of the quintessential qualities of the Joeys Graduate: a man of depth, principle and gentleness; a man who is dependable, kind and respectful. One way the College’s commitment to this vision is expressed is through the whole-school approach to Respectful Relationships Education.
Preview of an article written for Joeys magazine (October 2026)
The College was part of the Independent Schools NSW’s Respectful Relationships initiative in 2025 and continues the work this year. A federal government-backed program, it aims to deliver an evidence-based, age-appropriate curriculum to independent schools across New South Wales, covering topics such as consent, gender equality and healthy relationships. At Joeys, it is both an affirmation of work already underway and a roadmap for the future.
Respectful Relationships Education is a living commitment at Joeys, which was on full display at our International Women’s Day celebration, where we gathered to hear guest speaker Dr Rachel O’Brien. Year 7 Leader of Wellbeing & Formation, Ms Melissa Clancy, facilitated an honest and thoughtful discussion with a panel of teachers and students, including Sebastian O’Brien (Y12) and Bailey Lowe, school captain from St Leo’s Catholic College Wahroonga.
As an education consultant with Independent Schools NSW, Dr O’Brien leads a specialised team that supports the College with expertise and strategic direction. Her academic background gives her work depth, with her doctoral research examining masculinity and the specific challenges boys face in single-sex school settings. It is this expertise that makes her collaboration with Joeys so meaningful. Over the past 18 months, Dr O’Brien has worked closely with our Respectful Relationships Education team, with Headmaster Mr Michael Blake noting that her insights have been “instrumental in helping Joeys’ staff reflect thoughtfully and plan intentionally” in designing and delivering the program.
“Being dominant over another person means you’re not equally sharing power with them. You’re not equally having voice or opportunity … when one person’s voice matters more than another’s, that is inequality,” Dr O’Brien stated. “I’m not saying don’t have masculine energy. I’m saying we have a responsibility to ensure that masculine energy is not dominant or misuses its power but is in the service of others.”
“That might sound familiar, because that’s what being a Joe-Boy has always been about, learning to use the power and privilege you might have for the good of others, guided by the example of Jesus Christ, to become capable and compassionate young men who care about what’s happening in the world around them and endeavour to make it a better place.”
Inviting speakers like Dr O’Brien to occasions such as International Women’s Day reinforces that Respectful Relationships Education at Joeys is not confined to a single lesson. It is part of a broader, school-wide culture of intentional action.
Director of Faith & Formation Ms Jess Bryan noted that education is “one of the most powerful tools we have to create change … and classrooms are often where ideas for a better world begin”. By engaging experts who understand both the research and the reality of boys’ education, the College is ensuring this program remains relevant and genuinely transformative, to equip boys and young men with an understanding of why respect and equality are important. And, in Ms Bryan’s words, to help them to become “the missing element, the bridge” in the conversations that matter most.
True respect is built when we notice the power we hold, are conscious of and challenge the expectations that shape it, and use our influence to uplift rather than dominate, in ways that are fair, respectful and in the service of others. – Dr Rachel O’Brien
A whole-school mission
Head of Student Wellbeing Mr Daniel Fee is clear about why every staff member has a stake in this work. “Every single one of us has a role to play around student wellbeing. Whether a classroom teacher, boarding supervisor, coach or co-curricular coordinator, the expectation is the same: to model and reinforce respect, and when necessary, challenge disrespectful behaviours.”
Ms Bryan, who also teaches PDHPE, identified one of the most pressing challenges facing the College and parents was the influence of online content on boys’ attitudes. Algorithms serving up misogynistic or distorted portrayals of relationships can rapidly shape adolescent boys’ beliefs, often before adults know what they’re consuming. “What we’re doing is providing a comprehensive, effective and whole-school approach to Respectful Relationships Education. We really need to be there and be those people who help shape who Joe-Boys become.”
For Joeys’ staff, this means curious, timely conversations that meet boys where they are and gently challenge assumptions they may not realise they hold. Staff are encouraged to adopt an “if you hear something, say something” approach, intervening through private, purposeful dialogue before harmful messages calcify into belief. At Joeys, whoever is present in that moment is expected to be that person.
Goodwill alone, however, is not enough. The College has invested significantly in professional learning, introducing the Rise Framework to equip staff to respond with curiosity and compassion when a student says or does something disrespectful, to engage with the student’s underlying thinking rather than defaulting to discipline.
Building the village
The true measure of the success of these initiatives lies in how it lands with the students themselves. This year, Joe-Boys attended workshops and presentations by Your Choicez, Matt Cogin and Gotcha4Life. Gus Worland, whose Gotcha4Life foundation focuses on building mental fitness and reducing suicide among Australian men, brought the conversation back to what he described as the single most important thing young men can do: build their village.
“Who are your mates here at school? Who are your mates outside of school?” he asked. “They’re the relationships that are super important. People drift, so you need to put time and effort in.”
It is a message Joeys takes seriously through its partnership with Gotcha4Life, which includes student participation in the annual 24 Hour Row Challenge – a fundraiser the College once again supported this year as part of R U OK? Day. In Term 2, with all staff and students attending, Gus delivered an engaging Q&A session with retired Paralympic swimming champion Ellie Cole, which touched on cancer, grief, gold medals, panic attacks and the quiet courage it takes to say, “I’m not okay”.
Perhaps the most resonant voice in the hall was that of Year 12 student AJ Logan, who opened the presentation, sharing something deeply personal: last year, he lost his brother Johannes (2024) to suicide. It was a moment that set the tone for everything that followed. An honest, human conversation, without pretence. “Success in life is not measured simply by academic or sporting success. It is measured by the quality of our relationships, our ability to care for ourselves and others and our capacity to respond positively when challenges arise,” said AJ.
Mental fitness sits at the core of the College’s wellbeing program and sessions like this are a deliberate part of the curriculum. It is not a tick-box exercise, but a living example of what it means to build a community where no one has to struggle alone.
Ellie Cole’s story provided the emotional centrepiece. Diagnosed with a rare sarcoma at age two, she had her leg amputated at three, began swimming rehabilitation eight weeks later and went on to become Australia’s most decorated female Paralympic swimmer, with 17 medals across five Games. But what struck students was what Ellie remembers most fondly from her career: not the podiums, but the moments she showed up anyway, through shoulder reconstructions, a broken hip, panic attacks and years of underperformance.
“The medals don’t really mean anything anymore. When I think about my career, I think about all the challenging times I pushed through, that’s what I’m really proud of,” she shared. “Life’s going to throw so many curveballs at you and challenge you in so many ways. It’s about always checking in on yourself and your friends as well. Having that self-awareness is so incredibly important and having the courage to speak up if you need help.”
Her advice to Joe-Boys: “If you need help, access it early – as early as you can. And the more vulnerable you are with each other, the more you’ll see that everyone needs support.”
Ellie went on to reflect on loneliness and, as she looked around the Br Emilian Hall, she noted: “You’ve got so many people sitting around you who could be an amazing support for you. So, it’s important that you reach out to them and they reach out to you.”
“Knowing when to take a step back – I found that hard … but putting your hand up and being honest with someone, whether that’s your teacher or your parents, and saying ‘Hey, I’m struggling, I just need to pause’. Hopefully, you won’t be surprised by the response, everyone is there to support you as best they can.”
The message was clear: check in on your mates, have the courage to speak up and trust that the community around you will catch you. The village is already here; you just have to reach out.
Respect, connect & serve
Year 8 Leader of Wellbeing & Formation Ms Angela Menassa introduced students to “Respect and connect” in Term 2, exploring how to build healthy relationships. “Students developed skills to help repair friendships and communicate assertively, with a series of videos featuring staff and Year 12 students helping to spark discussion and promote a positive social culture among the boys,” said Ms Menassa. A seminar on “Connections that count”, delivered by David Kobler from Your Choicez, complemented this program, addressing sexting, being an upstander, body image and developing healthy social media habits.
These programs aim to support Joe-Boys to develop healthy friendships, with David Kobler revealing: “If you can have two or three really solid mates, those mates help offset the negativity you experience within the greater group or on social media. Friendship is powerful. Friendship can totally change a person’s life.”
“Your two to three closest friendships are the most important when it comes to your happiness … rather than a whole bunch of ‘junk food friendships’ … what we need is two or three really quality friendships.”
In Term 2, Matt Cogin from Levelling Up inspired Year 10 students with a session designed to help Joe-Boys improve their communication, confidence, emotional intelligence, mindset and leadership skills, inspiring them to “build phenomenal lives”. He noted: “As an external presenter who’s had the privilege of working with this school over the past few years, I’ve been consistently impressed by the culture they’re building and the calibre of young men they’re helping shape.”
These messages are backed up by the “Dignity for all” excursions, where students build empathy while visiting Kids Giving Back to learn about homelessness in Sydney and make a meal and blankets for those in need.
At the start of Term 3, the focus turned to resilience, with Year 8 boys hearing a powerful message from retired Rabbitohs player Ben Lovett, whose story gave weight to the program. Ben grew up with a love of rugby league in the small country town of Parkes and followed his dream all the way to the South Sydney Rabbitohs. He shared how a serious knee injury forced him to rethink everything he had planned. “I was never really the strongest or the fastest,” he said, “but I wanted to be the best I could be.”
What made Ben’s story especially powerful was his transition from player to mentor. Instead of seeing medical retirement as an ending, he found meaning through coaching, mentoring and community work, including his new role as assistant coach for the Jersey Flegg squad. “This is now my purpose,” he said, reflecting on the chance to help younger players chase their own dreams and giving Joe-Boys a clear example of how purpose and resilience are found through reflection and the support of others. He told the boys, “Back yourself,” and encouraged them to choose the right people to listen to.
Framing the future
When a boarding supervisor pauses to ask a student where he heard a particular phrase; when a science teacher chooses a female name for an engineering question in an exam; when a student leaves a workshop with a clearer understanding of consent – these are the moments that shape Joe-Boys’ character.
Ms Bryan frames the stakes in terms of the boys’ futures. “We see the ripple effect of healthy relationships … if our boys are going to country areas or overseas, where things are different, we hope they are comfortable and confident enough to challenge negative stereotypes if they encounter them.”
Every element of the Respectful Relationships program is, at its core, an investment in every Joe-Boy. It is the cumulative result of countless interactions, conversations, challenges and affirmations across a young man’s time at the College. It is a vision of leadership that begins with respect, with the Joeys graduate encouraged to help shape the world as it should be.
According to Dr O’Brien, balancing the scales isn’t necessarily about doing big things. “It’s about everyday actions that make change. It’s about building healthy, safe and equal relationships and hearing each other’s stories. It’s about asking questions so you can understand experiences that are different from your own. We can rebuild culture through little things every day that bring men and women together, not apart, and build a country in a world where both men and women can be equal and free.” The work of building young men of character is never finished. St Joseph’s College is committed to this vision, supporting generations of young men who are striving to understand what it truly means to act and live with respect.
